He said. . . I don't know why
you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said . . . Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you
really badly.
She said . . . Well, you succeeded!
He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit
on the sofa and fart!
He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.
Men are like department
stores.... their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like vacations.... they never seem to be long enough.
Men are like computers... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for
your hips.
Men are like coffee.... the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all
night long.
Men are like horoscopes.... they always tell you what to do and are usually
wrong.
Men are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or
the bathroom.
Men are like cement.... after getting-CENSORED-
Man: Haven't I seen you
someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Halloween Humor
10) You are guaranteed to get at
least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes
you're someone else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
Ten questions that make you go
‘HUH’
How much deeper would the ocean
be without sponges?
What happens if you get scared to death twice?
If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience
sitting?
If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be
hungry?
If Superman is so smart, why does he wear underpants over his trousers?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe,
you will believe them, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint you will
have to touch it to be sure?
