THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR AN INDIAN SAY: 

"Dang, it's gonna rain and I just waxed my car." 

"Naw, I don't feel like going snagging tonight." 
  
"You can't feed that to the dog!" 

"No thanks we're vegetarians." 

"No thanks I don't want any fry bread." 

"Do you think my hair is too long?" 

"Trim the fat off that steak." 

"The tires on that truck are too big." 

"Yes officer, I have my license, registration and insurance right here." 

YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO LOSE WEIGHT WHEN: 

*  You can't see your moccasin strings anymore 

*  You "duck" during the duck and dive and you can't get back up 

*  You find yourself bringing zip lock bags and a sack to the powwow feast 

*  You get in line twice at the powwow feast and lie by saying, "this plate is for my grandma who's sitting in the car," and you don't realize she just went through the line 10 people ahead of you. 

*  You can't fit your choker, because you no longer have a neck 

*  Your family has to stop half way to the powwow to replace the springs on your car 

*  The car naturally tilts downward on the side you always ride on 

*  The youngest kid with the shortest legs has to sit behind your seat, because you have to have the seat pulled all the way back to fit your beefy legs into the car 

*  You eat Indian Tacos like potato chips 

*  You don't even feel your mosquito bites 

*  You have to "rock" a few times to get up out of your chair 

*  People mistake you for a teepee when you wear a white tshirt 

*  You have to "lift" your stomach to show off your new beaded belt buckle 

*  You order a coke and the waitress asks, "Diet?" 

*  You almost pass out in the sweathouse using only one rock 

*  You get scared your belly button might come untied 

*  In a powwow crowd of 1,000 people, everyone stops you to ask your advice about the best food stands AND where's the best fry bread stand 

*  Other dancers use you for shade in grand entry line 

*  You lose a $1,000 dance contest because your excess didn't stop in time with the drum 

*  Your buckskin dress looks like you're still sitting down even if you're up walking around 

*  You have to have your parade horse backed up next the car so you can climb up on the hood of the car and get on 

*  Your parade horse is a "Clydesdale"